I want to know the reason I feel so uneasy when things are going good and I’m happy. Why can’t I just let myself be happy? My mind always takes over and tries to find problems that don’t exist…
There’s a secret magic past world
That you only notice when you’re looking back at it
And all I wanna do is turn around"
With the sad news that one of the elderly residents at work was passing away, I had a revelation on the significance and importance of what I do. For the past few years of being involved in the different aspects of nursing I have never really felt the connection to my job and felt like sometimes it was all for nothing. That I never made an impact on people’s lives, as there are many more obvious ways to do so (build houses in Africa, be a public speaker, teach future generations). I hadn’t had the opportunity to actually ‘save’ someone’s life and so when I got a job at a nursing home I was sure that that time would never come, and if it did, it would not have the same impact. I realized that I very well may be the last person someone speaks to before they die. My words may be the last words they hear. Thinking back, I have been with people as they passed away, and my words were the last thing they heard. As much as death is a more morbid area to work around, it can be looked at in a different way. The positive thought in this area is that these people have lived for many years, they have lived great and fulfilling lives and this is just the next stage. Perhaps the good is just overlooked by the negativity related to the word ‘death’.
Could it be? Did I actually endure a whole day of work without having a single anxiety attack? Well no… but it was definitely less than usual :) Making progress!